I really need everyone's honest opinion....even if it is contrary to what I think, please be honest because I need that right now.
Okay, so our church has hired a new music minister. They moved here one week ago from Tennesse. Their house hasn't sold yet and their place here won't be ready until June 30th. So, the Schnee and I opened up our home for them to stay with us for 7 weeks. They have two children, 1 1/2 and 4. It has been a great week of all of us getting used to each other...my boys, bless their hearts, have given up their rooms for them to inhabit. Schnee and I are in the basement and the boys are sharing our bedroom. We moved their clothes and dressers down to our room...praise God for a big room and closet that we can have all that stuff in it.
Now here is the problem. She is needing child care alot because she is very involved with the Worship Arts. Now she hasnt asked me, but I feel so GUILTY about not offering. She is new here...and well since they are helping our church I feel I should help out in this area. Y'all know me, babysitting is not my thing....I don't mind for my friends every once and a while, but I feel if I offer that will set a standard....she is the type of person to take you up on any offer....and probably continue to ask.
I am thinking back to when we moved here and we needed a sitter, we asked around and found some and we did use them....of course we paid them. I think the reason I feel so guilty is because I don't work outside the house and I feel like I have all the time to do it....I just don't want to! Just how terrible is that? This week has been especially hard because I have had strep and a sinus infection and all I have been doing is sleeping....I feel guilty about that too. I am all sleeping while she is stressing out about child care....
Okay, so let me know y'alls TRUE feelings...I need to see this from all sides.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Guilt
Posted by Domestic Diva at 6:22 PM
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5 comments:
When we had our daughter, we soon figured out that it wasn't always easy when it came to managing child care. I think that was a small price to pay for the joy of being parents. If you don't want to watch her children, there is nothing wrong with that. Besides, opening up your home to them is MORE THAN ENOUGH and I have always said that hospitality is one of your gifts. Good for you guys. We need more people like you here in OK.
Wow! You and Schnee are such a blessing. To rearrange your life for 7 weeks! I admire you. I personally feel that you are offering a huge blessing just by opening your house as you are.
It seems to me that if you offer to babysit, you might end up dreading the next 7 weeks instead of enjoying getting to know your new house guests. You definitely don't want to set a standard that you would regret.
If it would help, maybe you could talk it over with the mom. Let her know how pleased you are to have them stay with you, but you cannot offer more. Maybe give her some names of moms with small children or teens who could help her out with her need for childcare.
Don't feel guilty!! You are being a tremendous blessing to them, and I would hope they appreciate that :)
I agree with Sandy, you should not feel obligated to provide anything more than you already have. You will not enjoy being the host to them and would probably later regret doing so much. There are just some things that others have to figure out on their own. If you really felt led to watch their children, that is a different story. Also if you wanted to, you could offer one day a week, but lay down the law that it would be the only day, and that would be it. You are such a blessing to them!!!
I know we already talked about this and you know what I think, BUT I always say that people only feel guilty when they should. Hmmm..... I do think you have provided a lot to them, but maybe you're feeling guilty because you are feeling led to watch them and help her and don't want to admit it in the flesh? I don't know. You need to do whatever you need to, but I think Amos has a brilliant idea that you watch them for her once a week---BUT LAY DOWN THE LAW AND MAKE IT CLEAR THAT IT IS ONLY ONE DAY A WEEK! You are too nice and will allow someone to take advantage of you. Such a nice Nobody. That way you will have helped her out but not to your own detriment (sp?).
Very simple. You guys are doing an awesome thing by being a blessing to them. I agree with Sandy & Amos. I think 1 a week would be good, but I would help her 1st by finding a baby sitter who can do this more often for them. Tell her how you feel abut it. The truth, I am not much a baby person, when it comes to watching them frequently, but would help you out once a week if you cannot find someone. Lay down the law as Amos said, plain & simple. Make sure she understand where your coming from. The sooner you talk to her about this the less guilty you'll feel. Try to compile a list of people who would be available. That's where I would start.
Remember that you know what you can handle. You want to be there for them & you are.
I know how it is, to have to jump right in. But I also have learned & have had to take a step back. Because my family is more important. My suggestion, try to find babysitters first & then offer to do it when she don't have one. Either way, the end result is that you have been a blessing to her by finding sitters. I know this has worked for me.
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